Editing Your Translations: Size Matters

Syllabus Translation MontrealPart 3 – Getting rid of adjective pile-ups

In part 1, I suggest using adjectives—or nouns functioning like adjectives—to shed some pounds from your weighty translations. While this tip often works wonders, once in a while it leads to some nasty adjective pile-ups.

Here are a few examples where things get ugly—and some solutions.

French: La réforme des processus de traitement des données personnelles a permis d’améliorer l’efficacité de l’équipe.

English: Overhauling the personal data processing processes improved the team’s efficiency.

Better: Overhauling the processes for handling personal data improved the team’s efficiency. [No need to say “process” twice!]

 

French: Ils sont des chefs de file de la distribution de systèmes de réfrigération, de climatisation et de chauffage en Colombie-Britannique.

English: They are British Columbia’s leading refrigeration, heating, and cooling systems distributor.

Better: They are the leading distributor of refrigeration, heating, and cooling systems in British Columbia.

 

French: Le soutien des membres de notre conseil d’administration a été excellent.

English: The support from our board of directors members was outstanding.

Better: The support from our board of directors was outstanding.

 

Stay tuned for more easy tips on how to cut your translations down to size!

 

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